06-24-2026

Yesterday: a fuckshow on virtually all fronts.

I don't think I'm going to write a real entry. After I leave my desk in ten minutes – that's the amount of time I give myself to journal on days that are much much too packed to allow myself time for such frivolity – I'll become instantly launched into the world of Adults With Responsibilities which means I will be performing a whole bunch of tasks for myself, my wife, my dog Shelley, my job, my house, and so on and so forth, all the while trying to maintain some sense of personal stability, by which I mean, doing a few things here and there to take care of my own health, on both the physical and mental fronts.

Today will go:

• walk dog
• finish two loads of laundry, put stuff away
• attend 10AM meeting which always lasts the full hour and is always a fight – me and Alpo arguing about shit. I wonder whether or not I should bring up the fact that my cutover failed yesterday because of his code changes on top of my code. If I do that he is sure to remind everyone that I approved his code changes. Tit for tat. I'm not sure I'll bother. It might be best for me to be as silent as possible today unless someone asks me a specific question
• Work with Sriram on <technical thing that will take an hour>
• attend 1PM meeting which is mostly useless – maybe I can plan on cleaning my office during this bloc, it is a mess and I just could not summon the will to do it.
• Exercise – I am planning on doing non-back-and-neck related stuff today. Sitting curls, wall squats.
• At seven I will head out to pick up a new/used drive turntable because I failed to fix my old one
• I'll have the usual stuff too – cooking for Penny and everything else.

I dread it all. My neck hurts – I did something to it a couple of days ago, on Monday, trying to do Farmer's Walk exercises with 50 lbs in each hand, walking up and down stairs. It makes it hard for me to sleep. Feels like a burning rod running down my shoulder blade. Worse when I am standing – holding the weight of my big fat head seems to aggravate it.

Maybe I'll write more later. I would really like to detail the cutover failing, and the miserable problems with personal energy I had yesterday – I had to take not one and not two but three separate half hour naps just to make it through the day. I kept thinking about doing something productive and then the very thought would make me so exhausted that I felt the need to lie down and as soon as I was in that position I just closed my eyes and drifted away, mostly thinking about how a better person would be able to overcome this fatigue, push through it with grit and resolve and determination, and do all of the important Adulting that needs attention.

But here, past the midpoint of life, I fear I have already used up all the grit I'll ever have – my entire life's allocation has been spent, balance: zero.